Dog Stories/Poems/Fun Stuff
This is where I will put past Dog Stories and Poems and were I will add any more I come up with! If you find one you would like to add here, feel free!! Please only add dog stories and the like to this section. If you have a dog story about your dog please add it to the furry friends stories section!! Or e-mail me and I will add it!
You Know Your A Dog Person When......
ReplyDelete1. You spend $18 in entry fees, $25 in gas, $100 in lodging and meals, all
for a .50 ribbon.
2. Your family room has crates in it.
3. You have extra cleaning bills for the squished up liver ground into the
pockets of your jacket, pants, skirt...
4. When buying a new house, the first thing you check is whether the yard
is good enough!
5. When you're shopping for a new dress, and decide against one that is
beautiful and really flatters you because it doesn t have pockets for bait.
6. When your main consideration in buying a new pair of shoes is whether
they have non-skid soles so you won't fall while gaiting your dog.
7. When almost every color of dress in your closet is the same, because that
is the color that best compliments your dog - even if it's a terrible color for
you.
8. When your family reunion and dog show falls on the same weekend, and
you send your apologies to the family.
9. Every conversation you have eventually mentions dogs, even if you're
talking about flowers, libraries, reading, whatnot.
10. When you're short on money and are more worried about whether the
dogs have enough food for the month, than about your own groceries.
11. When you can't remember someone's name, but you say, "Oh, you know,
Fido's owner".
12. When the first thing you do is say, "Hi Fido!" and only then say hello to
Fido's owner. But you forget their name.
13. When you rip out all the carpets and replace them with tile to avoid fleas
and be easier to clean, and then bring in carpet scraps to make beds so the
dogs don't have to sit on the cold floor.
14. In meetings and other conversations, you use similes and metaphors that
relate to dog training, like "He's bristling around like an alpha, and we're
going to have to roll him over and grab his throat to get his attention." (that
one usually shakes up the management pretty good).
15. Or when you start telling your children, "Sit! Stay!"
16. When you can pick up smelly dog poop with just a baggie and not think
twice about it. And then carry it nonchalantly all over God's creation until
you can find a trash can to dump it in. Or stick it in a pocket until then.
17. Someone says, "She's a rotten bitch" you look to see what dog they're
talking about.
18. Or when your daughter tells you, in frustration, "There are other things
in the world besides dogs", and you can't figure out what.
19. When a wedding is being planned for your son, and he asks first if that
weekend has any majors, or could they schedule the wedding then...
20. You stop wearing your clothes because the dogs chewed out your pockets from the outside.
21. You go to the local park and look at the dogs running around the park and
see all the faults.
22. Vacations are planned around Specialties and Cycle Obedience events.
23. Or when your only non-dog friend comes over and asks, "What is that
smell?" and you have no idea what she is talking about.
24. If your dog doesn't like someone, instead of apologizing, you ask them
to leave.
25. You refer to a kid's personalities as temperament.
26. Your pajamas have a bait pocket.
27. You go to a Walt Disney movie and watch Pluto's gait.
28. You see an attractive girl walking a dog and you look at the dog first.
29. When you meet an old friend at ringside - and first greet their dog!
30. When you know people by what dog they own.
31. You never talk to your neighbors, but you know the names and breed of
every dog for blocks. You immediately notice if a new dog moves in.
32. Discussing worming a dog in a spaghetti restaurant seem normal.
33. When someone calls you a bitch and you take it as a compliment.
34. All you do is look up dogs on the Internet.
35. Lintwheels are on your shopping list every week.
36. The trash basket is more or less permanently installed in the kitchen sink,
to keep the dog out of it while you're at work.
37. You can't see out the passenger side of the windshield because there are
nose prints all over the inside.
38. Your dog sleeps with you.
39. You have 32 different names for your dog. Most make no sense, but they
understand.
40. You like people who like your dog. You despise people who don't.
41. You carry dog biscuits in your purse or pocket at all times.
42. You talk about your dog the way other people talk about their kids.
43. You sign and send birthday/anniversary/Christmas cards from your dog.
44. You put an extra blanket on the bed so your dog can be comfortable.
45. You'd rather stay home on Saturday night and cuddle your dog than go to the
movies with your friends.
46. You go to the pet supply store every Saturday because it's one of the very
few places that lets you bring your dog inside, and your dog loves to go
with you.
47. You open your purse, and that big bunch of baggies you use for pick-ups
pops out.
48. You get an extra-long hose on your shower-massage just so you can use it to
wash your dog in the tub, without making the dog sit hip-deep in water.
49. You and the dog come down with something like flu on the same day. Your
dog sees the vet while you settle for an over-the-counter remedy from the
drugstore.
50. Your license plate or license plate frame mentions your dog.
51. You have your dog's picture on your office desk (but no one else's).
52. You lecture people on responsible dog ownership every chance you get.
53. You hang around the dog section of your local bookstore.
54. You skip breakfast so you can walk your dog in the morning before work.
55. You are the only idiot walking in the pouring rain because your dog needs
its walk.
56. Your friend's dog acts as Best Dog at your wedding.
57. Your weekend activities are planned around taking your dog for a hike (both
days).
58. You keep an extra water dish in your second-floor bedroom, in case your dog
gets thirsty at night (after all, her other dish is way down on the first floor).
59. Your freezer contains more dog bones than anything else.
60. You never completely finish a piece of steak or chicken (so your dog gets a
taste, too).
61. You shovel a zig-zag path in the back yard snow so your dog can reach all
its favorite spots.
62. You avoid vacuuming the house as long as possible because your dog is
afraid of the vacuum cleaner.
63. You make popcorn just to play catch with your dog.
64. You carry pictures of your dog in your wallet instead of pictures of your
parents, siblings, significant other, or anyone else remotely human.
65. Your dog is the star of your World Wide Web site.
Author Unknown
Top ten reasons a dog is better than a cat.
ReplyDelete1. Dogs will tilt their heads and try to understand every word you say. Cats will ignore you and take a nap.
2. Cats look silly on a leash.
3. When you come home from work, your dog will be happy and lick your face. Cats will still be mad at you for leaving in the first place.
4. Dogs will give you unconditional love until the day they die. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you've ever made since the day you were born.
5. A dog knows when you're sad. And he'll try to comfort you. Cats don't care how you feel, as long as you remember where the can opener is.
6. Dogs will bring you your slippers. Cats will drop a dead mouse in your slippers.
7. When you take them for a ride, dogs will sit on the seat next to you. Cats have to have their own private basket, or they won't go at all.
8. Dogs will come when you call them. And they'll be happy. Cats will have someone take a message and get back to you.
9. Dogs will play fetch with you all day long. The only thing cats will play with all day long are small rodents or bugs, preferably ones that look like they're in pain.
10. Dogs will wake you up if the house is on fire. Cats will quietly sneak out the back door.
Things I can Learn From a Dog
ReplyDeleteNever pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.
Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
Take naps and stretch before rising.
Run, romp and play daily.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
No matter how often you're scolded,
don't buy into the guilt thing and pout... run right back and make friends.
Bond with your pack.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk
Rainbow Bridge
ReplyDeleteJust this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Author unknown...
Mind Games Dogs Play With Humans
ReplyDelete1. After your humans give you a bath, DON'T LET THEM TOWEL DRY
YOU! Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the sheets.
This is especially good if it's right before your humans' bedtime.
2. Act like a convicted criminal! When the humans come home, put your ears
back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if you have done something
really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search the house for the damage
they think you have caused. (This only works when you have done absolutely
nothing wrong.)
3. Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. When the
humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the humans.
Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about.
4. Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go 'pee', sniff around
the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose to go pee will
ultimately decide the fate of the earth.
5. Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always pick the busiest, most
visible spot to go 'poo'. Take your time and make sure everyone watches. This
works particularly well if your humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.
6. When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every time a
strange human walks by.
7. Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when playing fetch
with the humans. Make THEM go and chase it once in a while.
8. Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don't greet them at
the door. Instead, hide from them, and make them think something terrible has
happened to you. (Don't reappear until one of your humans is panic-stricken
and close to tears).
9. When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time. Walk as
slowly as possible back to the door.
10. Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and make
the humans take you out for your morning pee. As soon as you get back inside,
fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep after going outside, this will
drive them nuts!)
Author unknown
Just My Dog
ReplyDeleteHe's just my dog.
He is my other eyes that can see above the clouds;
My other ears that hear above the winds.
He is the part of me that can reach out into the seas.
He has told me a thousand times over that I am his reason for being.
By the way he rests against my leg.
By the way he thumps his tail at my smallest smile.
By the way he shows his hurt when I leave without taking him.
When I am wrong, he is delighted to forgive.
When I am angry, he clowns to make me smile.
When I am happy, he is joy abound.
When I am a fool, he ignores it.
When I succeed, he brags.
Without him, I am only another person.
With him, I am all powerful.
He has promised to wait for me... whenever...
In case I need him; and I expect I will -
As I always have.
He is my dog.
--Gene Hill
Just A Dog
ReplyDeleteSomeone who I thought was a friend
Came to visit me today
He asked why I was crying
Like my world had come to an end
I told him that I had just lost
Someone who was truly dear
That had remained by my side
Who used to defend me at any cost
Oh my! Said my former ?friend?
I?m sorry, I didn?t know
Was it friend or family?
My heart was broken, unable to mend
As I explained that it was both
For my beloved pet had died
But this person who I thought
Would understand, did not
So, this is why you?ve cried?!
I thought it was terrible
That a person had passed
That someone important had died
But HE WAS JUST A DOG??
He was ?just a dog? to you
Perhaps that much is true
But he was my morning sunshine
And loyal through and through
We were, in this life, bound
By invisible bonds of love
Unconditional and real
No greater could be found
He had become a part of me
And others he?d come to know
Who accepted his presence
Like a member of the family
Sometimes I took for granted
His kind and gentle eyes
His huge and loving heart
And the playful way he panted
I thought he?d always be here
And now that he is gone
It?s hard for me to go on
Without my best friend near
But HE WAS JUST A DOG?.
By Pam Martini
How To Photograph A New Puppy.
ReplyDelete1. Remove film from box and load camera.
2. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
3. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
4. Choose a suitable background for photo.
5. Mount camera on tripod and focus.
6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
11. Take flash cube from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
12. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
13. Put magazines back on coffee table.
14. Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
15. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
16. Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say,
"No, outside! No, outside!"
17. Call spouse to clean up mess.
18. Fix a drink.
19. Sit back in Lazy Boy with drink and resolve to teach puppy
"sit" and "stay" the first thing in the morning!
Author unknown
How Did You Know?
ReplyDeleteHow did you know something was missing?
How did you know I needed you?
Were you so sure we'd fit together?
Weren't you afraid I wouldn't do?
How did you know my patience level
Was the cause for such dismay?
What fateful process brought you to me
That I might learn to change my ways?
What force beyond my knowledge
Left you here so masterfully?
Did God know that I was failing
At the life He gave to me?
Why is it you're not angry
As how my past has treated you?
Is there a lesson in your forgiveness
That I should grasp and hold onto?
How can you love me without condition,
Aware my lessons aren't complete?
Will you stick by me as I continue
To absorb the things you teach?
Did God tell you I was sinking
When He placed you in my life?
Or did you pick me above all others,
A willing sacrifice?
Do you know that my heart yearns
To be a better friend to you?
Will you share with me your wisdom
Teach me to love the way you do?
My sweetest canine soulmate
Will your insight you bestow?
And answer just one question,
Please tell me friend, how did you know?
--Terri Onorato
Golden Memories
ReplyDeleteThey say memories are golden, well, maybe that is true.
I never wanted memories, I only wanted you.
A million times I cried.
If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died.
In life I loved you dearly, in death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place no one else could fill.
If tears could build a stairway and heartache make a lane.
I'd walk the path to Heaven and bring you back again.
Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems the same.
But as God calls us back one by one, the chain will link again.
Author unknown
From Rainbow Bridge with Love
ReplyDeleteWith all your love you let me go
I know you are lonely but I also know
That love never dies and deep in your heart
Where dreams come true, we never will part.
So take our warm love - for it's good indeed
To find a sweet dog whose heart is in need
And pass on the love that you and I had
You'll have a dear friend to help when you're sad.
And someday we'll be together again!
How happy I'll be to see YOU my friend!
At the Bridge I'll be waiting - it's a place just above;
For God made dogs for people to love.
by Julie Wrigley Smith (1996)
Dog Property Laws
ReplyDelete1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down,
it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.
Author Unknown
Dear Master,
ReplyDeleteYou have been my teacher, my friend and most beloved companion. I was like your child, totally dependent on you for all my needs. But I never grew up and moved away as children do, I just grew to love and need you more each day, each month, each year.
I never went hungry because you gave me dinner and gave me water each day. When the weather was bad I found comfort in the warmth and safety of your home. I delighted you by learning tricks, but what you may not have realized is that I loved learning from you because I lived to please you.
The touch of your hand stroking my fur made my life worthwhile. Though I barked at noises in the night, the postman's footsteps and the ringing of the doorbell; the voice of my master was the one sound that I cherished most. Your moods became my moods. When you were sad or lonely, I nuzzled closer to comfort you .
There were times when you became upset with me because I soiled the carpet, chewed on a piece of furniture, or barked too much. But do not feel bad about those times when you scolded me - I needed to learn right from wrong, and I always understood when things weren't going your way or when you'd had an unpleasant day at work. There is no need for you to harbor guilt or remorse on my behalf.
You loved me and blessed me with more happiness than most animals will ever know. Instead of wondering what you could have done differently, remember the funny things I did and the happy times we shared together. Though it is hard for you to understand, I was ready to pass on from this life.
Our time together was short, but if we'd had fifty years together, you still would have not been ready for me to leave.
So please, Master, share your life with others. Do not refuse the opportunity to give another lucky pet the love you have given me. No other animal will ever take my place in your heart, but there is another one who needs you and will grow to love you as much as I did.
I am now at peace and no longer feel pain. You gave me a wonderful home and a happy existence on this earth. So please be happy - go on with your life and give your love to others.
Although I no longer share your world, I will always live in your heart, and you in mine.
Farewell, Dear Master
--Author Unknown
Basic Dog Rules
ReplyDeleteNewspapers:
If you have to go to the bathroom while playing in the front yard, always
use the newspaper that's placed in the driveway every morning for that
purpose.
Visitors:
Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge across the room,
barking loudly and leap playfully on this person. If the human falls down
on the floor and starts crying, lick its face and growl gently to show your
concern.
Barking:
Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark. So bark - a lot. Your
owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their house. Especially
late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more
secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the middle of the
night and hearing your protective bark, bark, bark...
Licking:
Always take a big drink from your water dish immediately before licking
your human. Humans prefer clean tongues. Be ready to fetch your human
a towel.
Holes:
Rather than digging a big hole in the middle of the yard and upsetting your
human, dig a lot of smaller holes all over the yard so they won't notice. If
you arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of each hole, maybe they'll
think it's gophers. There are never enough holes in the ground. Strive
daily to do your part to help correct this problem.
Doors:
The area directly in front of a door is always reserved for the family dog
to sleep.
The Art of Sniffing:
Humans like to be sniffed. Everywhere. It is your duty, as the family dog,
to accommodate them.
Dining Etiquette:
Always sit under the table at dinner, especially when there are guests, so
you can clean up any food that falls on the floor. It's also a good time to
practice your sniffing.
Housebreaking:
Housebreaking is very important to humans, so break as much of the house
as possible.
Going for Walks:
Rules of the road - when out for a walk with your master or mistress, never
go to the bathroom on your own lawn.
Couches:
It is perfectly permissible to lie on the new couch after all your humans
have gone to bed.
Playing:
If you lose your footing while chasing a ball or stick, use the flower bed
to absorb your fall so you don't injure yourself.
Chasing Cats:
When chasing cats, make sure you never - quite - catch them. It spoils all
the fun.
Chewing:
Make a contribution to the fashion industry... eat a shoe.
Author unknown
A Faithful Dog
ReplyDeleteA faithful dog will play with you
And laugh with you - or cry.
He'll gladly starve to stay with you
Nor ever reason why.
And when you're feeling out of sorts
Somehow he'll understand.
He'll watch you with his shining eyes
And try to lick your hand.
His blind, implicit faith in you
Is matched by his great love.
The kind that all of us should have
In the Master, up above.
When everything is said and done
I guess this isn't odd.
For when you spell "dog" backwards
You get the name of God.
Author Unknown
A Dog's Bill of Rights
ReplyDelete1. I have the right
to give and receive unconditional love.
2. I have the right
to a life that is beyond mere survival.
3. I have the right
to be trained so that I do not become the prisoner of my misbehavior.
4. I have the right
to adequate food and medical care.
5. I have the right
to fresh air and green grass.
6. I have the right
to socialize with people and dogs outside my own family.
7. I have the right
to special time with my people.
8. I have the right
to be bred responsibly, if at all.
9. I have the right
to be foolish and silly, and to make my person laugh.
10. I have the right
to earn my person's trust and to be trusted in return.
11. I have the right
to be forgiven.
12. I have the right
to die with dignity.
13. I have the right
to be remembered well.
Author Unknown-from the Midwest Animal Shelter newsletter